Seething

today I was depressed

i went to a shopping mall

i overheard a woman say to her husband, "you know what I want? i would really like some burger king coffee right now"

i went to express for men because that cheers me up

even though i am so not that store

i bought two shirts that made me feel momentarily happy

wandered out into the parking lot

couldn't find my car

the damn mall doesn't have any mnemic devices in the parking lots

i wandered for what seemed like hours

fell into a slough

when i woke up i was a princess

***

later in the night that feeling went away

i found myself playing trivial pursuit with some people including my exboyfriend and his new boyfriend

i realized i am still bitter

his boyfriend is crazy

i mean literally

he's addicted to pills, often unemployed, has mental problems

in short, i am way better than him

so why is he still with him and why did our relationship turn into great big globs of dogshit that are still stinking up my room

i am bitter and that depresses me

and i saw white heat at times in my eyes and i dreamed of stabbing

but im home now listening to the doves